Read these 3 articles recommended by our Sex and Relationships editor, Meli
Dear past me, sex shouldn’t hurt.
What would you tell your younger self about sex if you could? A member of our community opens up about their experience with vaginismus, a pelvic floor condition which makes penetrative sex difficult or impossible. Read more to find out about their experience.
Dear Past Me
By drawing back this veil of shame we start having these conversations – no two periods are the same, no two menstruators are the same.
Dear past me, the Christmas holidays will not always be so hard.
“sitting down at the dinner table is like letting go of unexploded ammunition and just waiting for it to go off. It’s painful to hear your parents – the ones supposed to protect you – endorse and exacerbate the very prejudices and misinformation that caused the traumatic injustices that you and your friends have had to experience.”
Dear past me… your differences will one day feel comfortable.
I’m thinking back to the non-uniform day our school had when we were fifteen. You always hated non-uniform days, didn’t you? A day intended for self-expression, but one which really…
Dear Past Me, don’t run away from life
Dear past me, don’t run away…
It’s 7pm, and I’m guessing you’re still in bed after aimlessly scrolling on social media that make you feel like your body is not toned enough and that you aren’t having as much fun as other people your age. You woke up, and it was dark. You decided you were going to stay in bed all day.
Dear pre-trauma me, men will harm you more than once…
I can tell you now, even with everything men have put you through, you will still try to see the best in people. Sometimes this will be your downfall. They will gaslight you so much that you will start gaslighting yourself – I wish there was a way to warn you to always trust your intuition. If it feels off, that’s probably because it is…
Dear Pre-Pandemic Me, Let’s talk about anxiety…
Since there’s no escaping, I thought I’d reflect about how to manage your anxiety during this shit-show. (Hopefully this might be useful to other anxious humans as well!)
Dear Pre-Pandemic Me, Things are about to get hard again…
Everything around you is going to change. Significantly. You’ve felt loneliness before but not like this, this one is different. It’s going to be tough for a while but you’re going to emerge from it happy with your own company. Some days I have to work on it harder than others but you come to realise that you are enough as you are and that just showing up is okay…
Dear Pre-Pandemic Me, Get ready for a wild few years…
The years coming will challenge you in lots of ways but they will make you stronger and appreciate just how many people you have around you. The pandemic makes you sit back and look at who and what are important to you, you’ll howl with laughter despite everything and realise that your parents are actually pretty awesome to spend time with…
Dear Pre-Pandemic Me, You are going to cut your hair…
You are going to cut your hair. Because you will grow restless. You cannot go out and no-one comes in. even though you won’t be seen there is a mirror in the bathroom…
Dear Pre-Pandemic Me, Don’t ever shrink yourself again…
You started well, but you got lost. You realised the importance of community; a community you connect with. In the absence of love, you turned to appearances in a desperate attempt to change your circumstances. It did not work. You met the wrong people and did the wrong things, but it was not a waste. But it did feel like it…
Dear past me, you are not on this earth for male gratification.
Dear past me, why are you smiling? Gossiping smugly with your partner in math class, talking about pretty exciting news. You were chosen by a boy. One evening and your self-worth increased to heady levels. Insecurity about your beauty vanished. You are a goddess and he has made it so…
Dear Past Me, Reincarnation is not just for the afterlife.
Dear Past Me, you’re a very feeling soul aren’t you? Your bookshelf is stacked with anthologies of poetry you’ll happily weep to, stories of chivalry and romance you’d gladly read again, and contemporary satires that will make you want to walk along the street feeling like you too could be in that novel. You pine for a world where you’re at the mercy of the beauty of life, and you’ll happily go along with that whether it be good or bad for you because all forms of beauty are beautiful after all…
Dear past me, you’ll learn to love yourself amidst the chaos
Dear past me, you were something like a miracle child, a God-given blessing to parents who waited and prayed and longed for your birth for eighteen years. They’re older now, weaker, and fragile and it will be a heavy weight on your chest, a mountain or a volcano or a pile of rocks and stones only getting heavier with every passing moment. The crushing guilt of wanting a life of your own choosing, paving a way into a world that seems set against you, will bury you alive, suffocating you with its hands, screaming in your face about responsibilities and love and expectations, blaming you for the inevitable heartbreak they will feel…
Dear Past Me, Life isn’t for the squeamish
Dear Past Me, How could you have known? You came naked to a world that didn’t want you. Born on a kitchen table because your mother didn’t have the money…
Dear past me, one day your body will feel like home. I promise.
Dear past me,
One day the calorie counter in your head will stop
Breakfast will no longer taste like failure
One day you’ll find solace in satiety…
Dear Past Me, here are 20 things you know, now that you’re 20.
Here are 20 things you know, now that you’re 20. How exciting to think about how this list will change and grow. Maybe these would have helped you, Past Me. Or maybe we had to learn them the hard way. Either way, I can’t wait to see what you add (and what you get rid of)…
Dear Past Me, You got this!
Dear Past Me,
work hard and you’ll get there. its not about an end journey, more enjoying every step along the way! stay true to yourself and your goals, focus on what you’re best at and remember that perseverance and believing in yourself will be your best tools for building your future. you got this!’
Dear Past Me, You will Survive and Thrive
You knew you didn’t like leg hair from the first downy patch. It’s all part of growing up so you just learn to live with it. You can just never…
Dear Past Me, don’t worry about your boobs
I am writing to offer you reassurance. Even age twelve, you knew your own mind, and you were sure that large breasts were not something you wanted. I can assure you that age eighteen, they remain the size of mandarins or Madeleine cakes, and that you find this a completely ideal and comfortable size for them to be…
Dear Past Me, do what you want with your body hair
You and your friends (all self-identifying women) were off to meet some boys in your year at school in the park. However, you all suddenly stopped and realised that it was hot, you were in shorts and your leg hair was visible. So you all decided you shouldn’t go.
Dear Past Me, focus on the small stuff
‘Focus on the small stuff’ has almost become a cliche. It’s the mantra of every self-help coach, the driving concept behind many successful books and the topic of copious podcasts….
Dear Past Me, it is not your job to change his mind
Dear Past Me, You don’t need to change his mind. You don’t need to change the mind of any oppressive man. You do not need to convince him your experience…
Dear Present Me, it is important to notice how gendered the world is…
I have decided to try not to take gender lenses off, but leave them in place, and, rather than trying to eliminate the gender discriminations and differences that appeared, understand them and point them out for other people to realize they are there…