Dear pre pandemic me, 

Get ready for a wild few years. 

I suggest buying shares in toilet roll, zoom and Netflix. Trust me you’ll thank me in a few months. 

The next 21 months are going to be scary, will make you confused and also make you scream into a pillow on many occasions but this is me telling me that you get through them. 

Now might be a good time to start to let go of your reliance on routine and start to savour those hugs. Go and visit your grandparents a little bit more as well and say yes to any opportunities to see your friends. 

The years coming will challenge you in lots of ways but they will make you stronger and appreciate just how many people you have around you. The pandemic makes you sit back and look at who and what are important to you, you’ll howl with laughter despite everything and realise that your parents are actually pretty awesome to spend time with. 

Amidst all of this you move away to university and pursue your passions. You meet amazing likeminded people who will laugh at the way you say toast and no but there are so many amazing memories coming your way. 

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Dear pre-pandemic me,

You are going to cut your hair.

Because you will grow restless.

You cannot go out and no-one comes in. even though you won’t be seen there is a mirror in the bathroom.

You still have to look. mould exists in your thoughts. it grows from the inside and you feel it protruding from your skull. 

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Dear Pre-Pandemic Me, Don’t ever shrink yourself again…

You started well, but you got lost.  You realised the importance of community; a community you connect with.  In the absence of love, you turned to appearances in a desperate attempt to change your circumstances.  It did not work.  You met the wrong people and did the wrong things, but it was not a waste.  But it did feel like it…

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Dear Past Me, Reincarnation is not just for the afterlife.

Dear Past Me, you’re a very feeling soul aren’t you? Your bookshelf is stacked with anthologies of poetry you’ll happily weep to, stories of chivalry and romance you’d gladly read again, and contemporary satires that will make you want to walk along the street feeling like you too could be in that novel. You pine for a world where you’re at the mercy of the beauty of life, and you’ll happily go along with that whether it be good or bad for you because all forms of beauty are beautiful after all…

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Dear past me, you’ll learn to love yourself amidst the chaos

Dear past me, you were something like a miracle child, a God-given blessing to parents who waited and prayed and longed for your birth for eighteen years. They’re older now, weaker, and fragile and it will be a heavy weight on your chest, a mountain or a volcano or a pile of rocks and stones only getting heavier with every passing moment. The crushing guilt of wanting a life of your own choosing, paving a way into a world that seems set against you, will bury you alive, suffocating you with its hands, screaming in your face about responsibilities and love and expectations, blaming you for the inevitable heartbreak they will feel…

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Dear Past Me, You got this!

Dear Past Me,

work hard and you’ll get there. its not about an end journey, more enjoying every step along the way! stay true to yourself and your goals, focus on what you’re best at and remember that perseverance and believing in yourself will be your best tools for building your future. you got this!’

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Dear Past Me, don’t worry about your boobs

I am writing to offer you reassurance. Even age twelve, you knew your own mind, and you were sure that large breasts were not something you wanted. I can assure you that age eighteen, they remain the size of mandarins or Madeleine cakes, and that you find this a completely ideal and comfortable size for them to be…

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Dear Present Me, you have done nothing wrong

I am sharing this not only to vent my frustrations but also with the aim to prove to myself and others that blatant harassment comes in many forms, and that if you feel that somebody is crossing a line, its important to listen to that…

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Dear Past Me, take your time

You are not the only one who distrusts and resents that part of their body. When you enter a relationship, you will find it impossible to have sex, and you will feel futile and unloveable as a result…

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