Dear Agony Aunt
Do I look good?
Tell me, I need to know.
I wake up naked and I dress my face,
It’s war paint for the workplace.
How to dress in a rush, with a brush, in the car
– Zoella got me this far.
Am I too fat?
Tell me, I need to know,
So that I can dress for my figure,
And figure out what the fuck that means.
Am I a peach or a pear?
You see, I only have magazines to compare
and they don’t look like me.
Am I too loud?
I’ve heard that’s not good.
Maybe I’ll buy one of those rings,
So that I can match my mood
To the boys around me.
It’s important to read the room,
A woman should never assume
She is safe.
Am I too hard to define?
Have I crossed a line
That somebody else drew for me?
I’m tired of the conversation.
How I look, how I am, is my business.
Beauty’s in the eye of the corporation.
And I don’t owe anyone anything.